WHEN DEATH FACES US

Some people refuse to face Death. Others cling on to their loved ones who are dying,  wishing that they too could follow them.

In India, it is a tradition that widows should be buried together with their 

husbands, thus showing the low appreciation of women's lives. In our country, we have a term when husbands abandon their wives: the abandoned wife calls herself "byuda sa buhay," meaning widowed by a live partner opposite the real widow who has lost her spouse.  

I remember when my Father died, my Mother had told me, "He is only sleeping." I did not understand it too much; but I knew his rocking chair in the house would not move anymore. He would not be there to mix his coffee and drink it every morning while I sat on the floor of the terrace looking out to the streets. The newspaper would just lie on the table. And he would not get angry with me anymore when I cry because my mother is leaving the house to attend to her business. 

Do I miss my Father? I did not get to know him so much but I remember that he used to play the piano well. "Sa Kabukiran" was his favorite piece. And my sister, Adelina inherited his piano skills transferring them to me as well, teaching me "Chopsticks" using two fingers. 

I had felt the loss of my sister, Evangeline when in 1977 she died in a motorcycle accident. She used to sing folk songs, paint abstract and realistic themes, make ceramic pieces, textile paint shirts, love to cook a nd eat good food, and pray  the novena. Yes she was very prayerful. Every Friday she would go to a church, I think Quiapo church and pray there. 

The loss of my Mother was greatest for me in 2008. It took me about 8 months before I was able to recover from it. What made me get over it? I became involved in the US elections - campaigning, emailing my ideas for the first black president. 

In 2014, I lost several personal people in my life. Boy Danao, the caretaker of the family 's Antipolo agricultural land died of lung cancer; Vincent Alcazar who had died of a certain lung disease, I think emphysema. He used to have a business in the US that had dealt with asbestos. Vince translated my Feminismo into Spanish. Then my sister Adelina, too, as she had died of cancer. I kept grieving for the loss of my sister. I had wanted to take care of her in Negros Occidental but I was not allowed to. And I did not have funds to fly to the province to take care of her. 

Adelina taught me how to read the comics magazines in Tagalog, how to play the piano, and etiquette. She was a real teacher of the home, as she had taken up Home Economics at UP. 

But I took the loss of my Son, Eugenio Zigmundo most greatly. I asked God, "God please rewind, rewind," which I cried and shouted in a small corner of the churchyard of Christ the King. He died at the age of 42, too young, but led a fulfilled life, travelling around the globe for an ungrateful foreign IT company. He left three children, all beautiful, two girls, Erika, graduate of Ateneo de Manila and Lara, still in high school at Miriam College, both engaged in the arts and one, Kiko, a graduate of organizational management from UP Manila. 

My  grandchildren have grown up well, not having any hang-ups because their Mothers V and C, had made them feel very much loved. My son also brought them to his father's family, a task which my daughter Nadezhda and her husband Thaniel, are undertaking now, everytime there was a family occasion making them feel that they are genuinely significant members of the clan. 

Death is a big reality in our midst. Let us face it squarely as all of us will one day meet our Maker and defend the quality of our existence in this world. Face squarely? Tall order I tell you.  

Malaking katotohanan si Kamatayan sa ngayon sa atin. Harapin natin siya ng buong tapang. Isang araw, tayo rin ay haharap sa Maykapal at ipagtatanggol ang uri ng ating naging buhay sa mundo. 

How do we face it? Let us light a candle for all the victims of Covid-19. Paint artistic street art depicting death and life.